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Thursday, 14 July 2016

"wishes for them" // charli's poetry #1

tw: discussion of anxiety and panic attacks

"wishes for them"

my brother shouldn't have to 
see me have panic attacks daily
and along with my sister,
believe he has caused them. 

they shouldn't have to stop -
playing a game
loving their life 
being happy
to prevent my anxiety from 
rising, rising to the point of
no return

quietness should not be the 
currency of our household; 
stop for charli and 
you can have whatever 
(food, time, love)
in a minute. 

crying; from me 
but also from her -
the little girl who has
seen me panic at a
dining table, in the garden, 
in the car. 

they have been through more
than they deserve; for ages
ten, five and two. i am 
only a percentage of that. 

i have been in therapy for six years; 
i do not want
them to go the same way. 
pain, and tears, and medication? 
no, i want to see them 
smile and flourish and laugh
and love.